I told my brother Lucas J Meeker that I was seeing Jay Z at SXSW (long story, thanks American Express!) and I got this GENIUS in my inbox:
Now the year is ’12 and my start up is raw
In my iPhone reflection is a code ninja.
I got two choices y’all, pull out a card or,
Pounce on his LinkedIn, check in on FourSquare, friend him on Facebook, follow him on Path, send him a TextPlus, and Instagram me thumbs-upping and post that shit on his wall.
Now I ain’t trying to see no location based start up with Jake,
plus I got a few dollars and I can offer options to make my case.
So I, pull over to the South by Southwest Tech panel on how to brocode,
and hear, “Son do you know what I’m Pythoning you for?”
Cuz I’m funded and I’m stealth and series A is a go?
Do I look like Facebook, sir, I DON’T CODE.
Should I post on your wall or tweet hashtag SXSW some more?
“Well, you was networking at a panel on hipster whores.
Twitter handle, Southby badge, and step off of the floor,
into a stealth hipster coffee bar to talk some more.
Are you carrying a company card I know a lot of you A rounders are?”
I ain’t steppin outta shit without posting to my Path about it.
“Do you mind if ask about your idea on Quora a bit?
Well my ideas amazing and so is the app, and I know my rights so I’m gonna NDA that.
“Arent you sharp as a tack are you some kinda venture fund person?”
Nah, I aint cashed out hard, but I know a little bit, enough not to get jacked by a hipster keyboard jockey bitch.
“Well we’ll see how smart you are when the Facebook recruiters come.”
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A HIPSTER BROGRAMMER AINT ONE.